Q & A
Q1 - Dear Vivian,
A lot about this idea appeals to me. My fear is that my husband is somehow reduced, in this scenario, to a weakling. I have a great deal of respect for my husband and I like feeling that way about him. I like to feel that my husband is strong and capable, not weak and immature.
A1 - Understood. I think most women are like you in this regard. I do not want a weakling or an immature child as a husband. I want a man I can be proud of. In a sense that is what Domestic Discipline is all about. We do not close our eyes to our husbands’ weaknesses in order to maintain our feelings of respect for him. We deal with those weaknesses in order to make him worthy of our respect. DD is not about establishing a mother/child relationship. It is more like a Queen/knight relationship — especially in public — and like having a servant when you want one in private.
Q2 - Dear Vivian,
As I read through your web site I get the message that Domestic Discipline is a gift to my marriage. That part of it appeals to me as does the behavioral change that you say will take place in my husband. It does seem, though, that I’d need to be mean to him in order to do this. I’m not a mean person and do not enjoy the thought of being mean to my husband. Do I have to be mean in order to do this?
A2 - This question gets to the heart of things. While it is a good idea to have a sense of humor about all of this, there are times when you must be very serious, very strict and very firm. If you seem to be in the humor mode all of the time he will get the sense that you are not really in control and he will only cooperate when he feels like it.
During scoldings and/or disciplinary sessions it is important to be strict & firm. I know this is hard for some women. That is why I suggest that you require your husband to thank you after he has been punished; it reinforces your sense that you have done him a favor and relieves you of the uncomfortable feeling that you may have been cold or uncaring. Also, if you assign your husband to keep a journal, it is in there he can write about his thoughts, further reinforcing whatever lesson you are trying to teach him in the moment. When you read it, you'll notice he is appreciative. This will reinforce even more for you that you are doing the right thing.
Every woman, no matter how meek and mild, has the following things inside her:
1. Anger
2. Resentment.
3. Impatience.
4. A need to feel in control.
I suggest tapping into and giving vent to these feelings when your husband needs to be disciplined.
After the discipline has been administered, you can move back into your warm, loving persona.
Q3 - Dear Vivian,
I love my husband and do enjoy spending quality time on sex, but I’m a busy woman. It seems that this program of Domestic Discipline would take a lot of my time and attention in order to be done right. I don’t think I have the time to treat my husband as if he were another dependent in the house.
A3 - One of the best things about Domestic Discipline is the effect it has on your workload and your worries.
You will need to give him a different kind of attention than you’re probably used to (a kind of attention that is fun to give), but it is probably not an increase in attention. You will find in Domestic Discipline that you will receive that attention back ten-fold(which is far superior to the 15% or 20% that most women usually received back from their husbands). Let me be more specific here.
In Domestic Discipline you need to show your awareness of your husband’s sexual situation and his behaviors more often than you probably do now. This is not time consuming however. At least once a day you will want to draw your husband’s attention to his sexual need for you. This can take as little or as much time as you like. Simply patting his crotch, reminding him not to masturbate, or having him present an erection to you can do it. If you have him wearing a chastity device it may take 5 minutes or so to remove it, stimulate him and put it back on. But that’s all that’s necessary on those busy days. What will he be doing on those busy days in return for those few moments of attention? Whatever it is you require of him to do. Have you lost time? I don’t think so.
Remember that sex in this relationship need not include any release on his part so it can always take only the amount of time that you find enjoyable. For every two minutes you spend teasing him you get 20 minutes of ecstasy and satisfaction. It’s a no-brainer!
And think of all the time you spend arguing with your husband. Domestic Discipline cuts this time by about 75%. Most arguments never get off the ground because now there is an authoritative presence in the situation — YOU! When the two of you do argue he will be more careful about how he behaves during the argument if he knows that being excessively argumentative will earn him a punishment or a further delay of sexual release. The arguments you do have will not take as much time because he can be reminded at any time how he is to treat you.
All combined, you save at least three-fold the time you invest in Domestic Discipline and you have a happier marriage than most women dream of.
Q4 - Vivian,
What would you say the main benefits of this are? What is it I’m really after by trying this out?
A4 - Well, i’m assuming that if you’ve visited this site and read through it, you are by nature a controlling wife who prefers things to go her way more of the time than not. As it stands currently, how has that been going for your marriage? If your answer is anything like mine would have been, or any of my friends would have been, then I assume it’s not going well. NOT ON IT’S OWN IN IT’S CURRENT FORM. But accompanied by all the things you read about on my website, suddenly, the pieces begin to fit together in a way that allows you to be yourself in your pure nature AND have a dream marriage. The benefits are increased control, through mental and emotional enslavement of your husband, who because of this is growing in obedience toward you, and a peaceful loving relationship between two people who truly respect each other. That’s the aim.
